School IS out forever

I don't know how many days, weeks, months, or hours it is until June the whatevererth 2014, and I'm not one of those people who is going to download some countdown widget so I can dolt over it, but knowing that my first high school reunion is just around the corner is taking a heavy toll on me. I feel like someone is lacing everything I consume with anxiety medicine, and I don't mean the kind that makes you less anxious. I mean the kind that makes your skin crawl with an overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and imminent doom.

Me (far right) with my fellow honor grad gals

In high school I had it made. I was always on the honor roll, I was president and/or vice-president of clubs for over-achievers, I was awesome at theater, I had a high school harem of boys that followed me around, I unquestionably always fit in a size 2 or smaller and I was voted most likely to become famous. Well, if cable access is famous, then call me Barbara Walters. Not to toot my own high-school horn, but high school me totally kicks almost twenty-seven-year-old me's ass. 

I was just looking back at my old photos from the speech tournaments I used to compete in in high school. Yes, I competed in those nerdy speech competitions, but before you judge, I was damn good at them. I remember when all I had to do to feel satisfied in life was to practice a few hours a day on a weird cutting from some random play so that I could take home first place and add a new shiny plastic trophy or gold medal to my collection of validity trinkets. It was all so simple. I knew I had talent, I discovered a pretty fool-proof formula for winning, winning made me not hate myself, and bam! Perpetual content. 

Looking back on it now I understand why being a theater major didn't seem like such a stupid idea. I thought that I could keep on winning like I had done before, and as long as I was winning, I would be happy. Oh how simple it all was. Unfortunately it took me almost four years to accept the reality that the formula for success in acting beyond high school speech tournaments was slightly more complex and filled with self-serving, no-talent assholes. Not that self-serving, no-talent assholes don't have what it takes to become successful actors, but it makes the cast parties simply unbearable. 

So now I'm working on trying to be some sort of information disseminator. I prefer that to the term 'journalist' because I'm not trying to win any martyr competitions here. I think that journalism, as a noun, is a righteous and necessary thing to do, but that doesn't exclude those who practice journalism from being self-serving, undeservedly egotistical, hyaenas. But they tend to like to have intellectual conversations that don't involve talking about Constantin Stanislavsky or Samuel Beckett, which I appreciate. 

I still find myself yearning for that simplicity though. As much as my bleeding-heart, liberal (some might throw hipster or hippie in there as well) soul would like to think that everything can be broken down into a neat little science, the truth is, everything takes a certain brand of finesse to be successful. And hell, the necessary brand might change each day, you never know. They don't really teach you that in high school. The lucky ones pick it up intuitively and learn to play along early, the ones that are slower to the punch (I'm raising my hand right now) get left behind. 

I think after about eight and a half years, my sails are finally starting to catch some wind. In fact, I know a lot of people who will laugh at how hard I'm being on myself in this post. I am aware that I have some accomplishments under my belt worth being proud of, but the idea of having to go back to the old high school group to rub shoulders and settle up on success still sounds terrifying. Even though there are no trophies to be won (wait...will there be trophies? Shit! I better confirm that) I know that I will still be longing to be compared, to be measured, and to have someone just tell me straight up if I'm as badass now as I thought I was in high school. Is that sick? I'm going to need one hell-of-an outfit...

Cat-in-a-Box

Today was my dad's birthday. It was also a day for small victories. This is a lesson about taking things one step at a time. I've decided that if I want to find out what's going to give me that feeling of purpose, I need to start looking at what I already do. Perhaps it's already in front of me, but I'm so distracted by my discontent that it goes unnoticed.

I did not take a walk to a new area of town today. Instead I tried to figure out ways to make my normal surroundings more desirable.

First example, my cat Penny...I talk about her a lot, I know. I was supposed to take her to the vet today to get a booster shot. In order to do this, I have to get her into some sort of container, which is not only heart-wrenching, but very dangerous. This is because whenever anyone tries to get Penny in her pet carrier she does not hesitate to claw the ever-loving sh** out any body part she can get her paws on. A successful attempt must be well-calculated and perfectly timed, but rest assured there will be blood; it's no task for the faint of heart. Therefore, until today, I had accepted defeat when it came to getting Penny to the vet with my extremities unharmed.

Last time I took her in, the vet refused to treat her without sedating her first, what a proud moment that was. I was ready to cancel the whole appointment out of pure dread, but the women at the vet's office spent several minutes plotting alternatives in order to persuade me to bring Penny in before the window for her booster expired (did I mention I love my vet clinic?). She suggested that I put Penny in a box, rather than her pet carrier, then stay in the car with her until she they had everything ready for her booster shot, then they would wave me into the building.

So I went ahead with the plan, carried Penny inside the clinic in her box and when they were ready to inject her, we threw the box lid off, threw a towel over her head and poked her immediately with the needle before she had a chance to realize she wasn't in the car anymore.

She was definitely confused, but not nearly at her normal stage of acting like an enraged rabid street cat minus the foamy mouth secretions. It seemed so stupid at first to be happy about my cat not mauling anyone (including myself), but perhaps if you knew Penny, you'd share in my immense satisfaction. Even stranger was my ability to perceive such a small victory and treat it as such, extending myself a self-assuring figurative pat on the back for having conquered the monster in Penny for almost an hour. I'm still definitely not excited about taking Penny to the vet, but it was important for me to realize that I am far more intelligent than any cat and how silly it is to let these types of hang-ups get the best of me.

Even more exciting was that I had a desire to share that moment with you all (my multitude of dedicated readers, you make this all worth it to me! All 12 of you...no really, you're fantastic, keep reading my posts, I love you...). I couldn't wait to get home and blog about it.

I'm going to stop here and not try to make this small accomplishment more than just that. But I wonder if any of you, my devoted blog-reading audience has any similar experience to share. I've given you my little triumph of the day, now it's your turn. Do you reward yourself for your smallest victories? I definitely recommend it.

The Jumper

Tonight, someone committed suicide off the bridge across the street from my house. As I stood there watching the chorus of flashing lights and cops rowing back and forth in their canoes under the bridge searching for the body of some poor, unfortunate soul... it did cross my mind, that perhaps blogging about this could come off as inappropriate and shameless, but then I realized that this event was by far the most memorable of the day and to deny that would be to dishonor the life of the one that took the plunge. So I'd like to take a moment to consider this john/jane doe's predicament and bid them farewell.

Just a few hours before I caught word of the jump, I was fluttering around in my seat while watching the latest episode of the AMC series The Walking Dead. For me, the appeal of the show is its lingering examination why the living desire to continue on doing so, even when unthinkable things happen, for instance like when everyone you know is getting devoured by flesh-eating zombies. At this point in the series, about half of the principle characters have toiled over suicide. But with the exception of a few throw away characters at the beginning of the series none of the survivors have been able to part with their mortality, even in the face of imminent, rotting, blood-pouring doom.

Some might say, 'that's just television,' but I think there really is some truth to the show's depiction of the all too cliche' 'survival instinct.' An instinct is, according to Dictionary.com, a 'natural intuitive power,' Merriam-Webster calls it 'a largely inheritable and unalterable tendency of an organism to make a complex and specific response to environmental stimuli without involving reason,' which makes me extremely curious about the kinds of things that are strong enough to override such a persistent behavioral phenomenon?

Are there cords getting crossed in the brain? A severe malfunction channeling the energy usually dedicated to your instinctual survival methods instead toward the complete opposite? And even more intriguing to me is what it must feel like to have completely lost hope? I have enough trouble getting out of bed in the morning, I don't need any help from a nagging feeling of inadequacy and regret.

At the risk of sounding sinister, I'm dying to know what someone's last thoughts are that fuel that total release. I'm also baffled by it. It seems so contradictory to be too cowardly to live, but brave enough to pull the (figurative) trigger (yes, I do think that takes guts, I couldn't do it). Once you've crossed that line of conquering your survival instinct, does planning the strategy of your elaborate demise start to have some appeal that continuing to live doesn't? Is not planning a death worthy of yourself something that gets you excited about continuing on with your life? If you examine the fundamental elements of the process, it kind of reminds of the ironic death of Amy Winehouse, who is alleged to have died from symptoms of withdrawal after choosing to turn her life around. It's the one thing left to get excited about, but it's also the thing that's going to kill you. The fact that you could get excited about anything, including the planning of your suicide, should provide some sort of gratification for living right? Of course, that's only my perspective on reasonable behavior, what's yours?

I know, but Why?

This blog has meandered a lot of different ways over the years. I have been on an adventure to discover what it is that drives me. What exactly is it that helps me get out of the bed in the morning and say, 'Here I come, World!' And it's become a little unsettling that I haven't really been able to put my finger on it yet. As someone who aspires to be a journalist I feel like I'm stuck at the level of an advocate rather than a reporter. I've always expected something to just grab me unexpectedly and I would all of sudden be compelled to find out everything there is to know about that one amazing beat, but as of yet, no such passionate
notion has struck. I'm starting to get a little worried that I'm going at it all wrong. Maybe this is not a job for time, but a test for my will to succeed. What I really should be doing is sampling my world every day until, through my own judgement of my experience, I can string together something of interest.

(Eureka moment commencing...)

Wow! That was something! So here's my idea: I'm going to blog about my daily walks through a new part of town each week. I'm going to document my surroundings, give witty and entertaining commentary (when I'm feeling up to it) and delighting you with a weekly photo or video. Today, I'm going to skip the walk, because I have to be at work in like 45 minutes, but I'm going to entertain you with this random photo that's already on my phone. It is a picture of my evil cat Penny, who decided to go on a grocery excavation mission and fell right into my trap! Predictable.

Goals, Commitment, and Other Grown-Up Crap...

It's hard to have a blog when you don't have a clearly defined goal. That's because it's difficult, as least for me anyway, to write about an infinite number of potential things, not to mention it's hard to attract faithful readers without a stable product. My imagination goes all over the place...at a pace too fast to settle on any one thing for a substantial amount of time. I know everybody these days thinks that have ADD, but I seriously don't think my brain can focus on one thing for more than 5 seconds after 2 o'clock in the afternoon. It's a reality I have to deal with.

Anywho, my deficiency in attentiveness has led me to the conclusion (ironically) that I desperately need to find a subject, a schitck, a niche, on which to base this blog, in order to cling to my own sanity, and maybe a few followers. I've toyed with making this a news blog, a life log, and a cheese bog, (wait that last one isn't a real thing), but none has really intrigued me to the point of developing a disciplined blogging habit thus far.

This leads me to the question: why is it that it's necessary to blog? Is it because I like my inner monologue so much that I find it important to share it with others? Is it because I'm so smart I think I have an obligation to plaster my profound thoughts across a public forum for all to see as some kind of noble duty to my fellow man? Those last two make me sound kind of vain, but they're perhaps not too far from the truth.

So, if I am blogging to satisfy a selfish desire to hear myself talk--digitally-- then it seems the least I could do is find some way to make the blog equally beneficial for whomever happens upon my writings and is entertained enough by my self-centered and cynical style to read beyond the first paragraph. I'll think about that idea and get back to you.

...about twenty minutes go by...

Based on the last twenty minutes or so of thorough contemplation, I have decided that at least for now, I will make this blog about my new pursuit of knowledge surrounding the internet. What is this weird world of translated code that is "surfable," and who ever thought of such a thing? Surfing a code...surfing anything other than channels...or waves, well whatever, it's weird.

To start, I may sound unavoidably naive or unsavvy, but hell, that's because I'm just learning as I go. So if you're particualarly internet savvy, you might be bored for the first few months of my journey, or you might be entertained by my failures, you might even comment on this blog with your pointers (yes, please) for my future success. Any feedback is appreciated, as that means your are reading my blog, and perpetuating my drive to continue this ego-infusing project.

Since at this point this post is mostly rambling, I'll start with the actual internet exploring (no stupid microsoft browser reference intended) in the next post.

Thanks for reading this far.

Rediscovering an Artful Past

When life gets ya down I've found that it's important to remember that it might not be life's fault. Sometimes the stress, fatigue, worry, and general 'ick' feeling is all in your head. Heck, you might be the number one cause of your own life's downiness. So perk that chin up put on your comfy travel shoes, cause we're going back in time.

I'm finding that one of the best ways to rediscover happiness is to travel (in your mind of course) back to a time when you remember a greater level of contentment. What were you doing? Wearing? Eating? Who were you hanging out with? What kind of music were you listening to? It all seems too simple you say? You'd be suprised how much people struggle with simplicity in the 21st century. In fact, in my own exprience lately, the more I try to simplify, the more I've been causing a greater degree of chaos and confusion.

Example? When trying to simply mail in a credit card payment (the old fashioned way), I ended up with a considerable amount of money getting lost in the mail and countless added trips to several different bank locations in order to solve the mystery (well...trips have been made, but the mystery is still not solved). It seems that my own desire for simplicity led to my own temporary financial demise.

This, however, is only a small and very specific example of a larger direction my life has been taking over the past few years. When I started school, I didn't know how my career was going to work out, but I knew that I wanted to be an artist. It was what I did. It was what I was good at. But wanting to be an artist, a seemingly simple idea for me, caused a great deal of confusion and chaos from my family. How was I going to make any money? How would I establish any security for my future? In this case, my family thought their concerns were quite simple too, as well as practical.

So in the interest of clearing up their doubts about my ability to survive on my own, I began to devise what I thought to be more simple goals. Practical goals. I switched my major from theater to communications. I directed my career goals from the stage to mass media. Then eventually my hobbies began to change. I went from painting and sewing to watching the news. I went from going to movies and shows to cooking meals at home. I thought I was being practicle and simple, but the truth is that it was just causing me more grief. The greif came from not being able to let go of either set of aspirations. Now I always find myself trying to follow both paths, have it all, do everything; and it is starting to break me.

But the moment I picked up a paint brush and starting painting for the first time in about four years there was instant joy. It was as if content was spewing from the brush's tip. I was ecstatic, like one of my fingers had miraculously returned from a several-year absence. Then a few weeks later I attended an audition for the first time in nearly two years. Though I don't think that I performed my best, I was instantly reunited with that old sense of pre-performance nervousness that brings me ultimate rejuvination.

Slowly, I'm starting to feel like my old singing, painting, crazy-clothes wearing self again. It is comforting to know, that the version of me that I used to love is not totally gone, but has only supressed for a short while. I am no longer worried about my future. I figure, if my family is so adamate about worrying, then they can carry that responsibility for me. I need to do what makes me happy, or I'll never be able to handle all the other stresses that "life" throws at me.

So please, my friends, love ones, and even strangers that might happen upon this blog, as best you can...be true to yourselves. Don't lose sight of what makes you you. Even when it hurts to be misunderstood, I have found that trying to change who you are (even when done subconciously) is not a better alternative. This message has probably been repeated twenty or thirty million times by now, but perhaps that's because the goal of being true to yourself is so easy to lose sight of. So write it down this time...on a sticky note or something. Much Love ;-)

And here's a couple quotes to keep in mind:

"Gnothi Seauton"

-Socrates

"Sometimes the hardest thing to be in this world is just yourself,"

-Brother Ali

"Do you want to play a lead role in your own life? Or a supporting role in someone else's life?"

-Hillary Clinton

"Let go of what you think this is"

-Anne Bogart

"Real World" Update

What a piece of work is man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving, how express and admirable, in action how like an angle, in apprehension how like a god!

-Hamlet Act II, scene 2, 303-312

I still remember reading this quote for the first time in Ms. Judge's 12th grade English class. Though I did realize at that moment that my understanding of the profundity of that line was incomplete, there is no way I could have anticipated to what degree. I seem to wake up each morning asking myself, "is this really my life?" and "what am I supposed to be doing here?" What else besides human existence presents such infinite possibility devoid of a pure or clear pedagogy by which to achieve it? Furthermore, why do humans long for such a guide? I am irked by the irrationality of that conundrum, which is itself, ironic.

So where do I go from here? Each day I try not to dwell on the fact that I am beaconless and underdeveloped. I try not be overwhelmed by how my fellow humans confuse me so. I feign comfort in situations of uncertainty (which is always). I wonder. How long will this state continue? When will the confusion fade? When do I start to fit in my own skin?

As a child I looked ahead to each new graduation of maturity with anxious anticipation. I knew what was next: driver's tests, proms, college application essays. But my life right now is at a stage that no one bothered to explain, or perhaps it is undefinable. The stage is now determined by me and the order in which I place those stages in turn determines many seminal aspects of my future. But regardless of whether or not I act, I am making a choice. My fate is being determined for me while I sit hesistantly trying to make up my mind. I find myself, now more than ever before, longing for a pause button.

Before I can move on, I want to become more aquainted with this stranger I call me. I don't want to glaze over my own passions, aversions, and abilities. But amid my current civil arrangement, how can I hope to have any time for personal discovery? Working to feed and house myself consumes most of my days.

Did Huxley have it right in his dystopian classic? Is man (whether voluntarily or pharmacologically induced) doomed to fall into some exploitive order? And another mystery remains, how is this fate possible when the scheming despots are nothing but human themselves? How do I tap into the autonomous nature that they possess? Oh what a remarkably confusing piece of work is man.

New Fan Page on Facebook!

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Movin' on up

Hey there fellow bloggers,

My journey to actually getting paid to write about my thoughts has progressed!

I am now the Hennepin Theatre District Examiner for Examiner.com.

Please check out my first article on Hennepin Theatre Trust historical theater tours at my new Examiner home page.

If you like what you see, I encourage you to subscribe to my posts at the top of the page.

Thanks!

Health Care Reform, What Twin Cities residents have to say

Audio link to my coverage of Keith Ellison's health care forum last month in North Minneapolis.

https://www.kfai.org/node/22253

Needlework Knowhow

Lately the only thing that has helped me pass the part time job blues is needlework. My amazing grandmother taught me how to crochet when I was very young and I've been going in and out of crochet phases since then. It wasn't ever something I would consider myself an expert in, but it is great for someone like me who has a phobia of being idle.

About four years ago, my dear dear friend Ellie O taught me how to knit. I loved it at first, but after realizing that knitting is a much slower process than crocheting (and therefore far less gratifying for me), I rediscovered my love for crochet. I'm not sure if it's the process itself, or the fact that crocheting reminds of and makes me feel closer to my grandmother. Perhaps it's both. But lately during my long periods of time off I've been crocheting anything and everything I can.

I used to be against using patterns because I believed (and still do in a way) that 'art' does not come with instructions. Many people might not consider needle work a true art, but I'm a proud supporter of the applied arts. I believe that everything in you use in life can be beautiful. Why just hang paintings on blank walls, when the building itself can be a work of art?

But now I'm older and supposedly wiser and can recognize that patterns (and instructions for that matter) teach the tools you need to go off on your own and make more unique works of art. By crocheting with patterns (and often deviating from them) I have learned many new techniques and I've come to appreciate the importance of using a quality yarn product as well. Though, you can't beat the color selection of good 'ol $2.50 a scene Red Heart yarn (http://www.redheart.com/).

Another thing I've come to realize is that it is ok to sell your art. I used to be very against selling any of my art or craft projects because I thought that one you added money into the mix, it would stiffled creativity or cause you to resent your art as an obligation rather than a hobby to enjoy, but I'm finding that I'm crocheting more than I could possibly keep for myself or give away to friends and in order to afford to continue at this rate, I will have to resort to selling and taking orders. A realization that I'm not so sad about anymore. I'm excited that even though I may never get a job that uses the degree I've gone into all this debt for, at least people might enjoy my crocheting enough to support my ability to continue. So feel free to commission a project from me. Right now I'm really into making purses, but I'm begining to make shawls and skirts as well. My rates are low and my quality is high. Thanks and good night.

View my ads on Craigslist!

http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/hnp/clo/1351998517.html

http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/hnp/bab/1351967624.html

Juneteenth, A Forgotten Holiday?

People in the Twin Cities celebrated the annual Juneteenth festival yesterday at Theodore Wirth park in Minneapolis, but event organizers still have their work cut out for them as far as educating people about the historical significance of the celebration. KFAI's Michelle Alimoradi reports.

http://www.kfai.org/node/20648

In times like these I'm reminded of the lyrics from one my favorite musicals, Avenue Q.

What do you do with at B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?

Four years of college,
And plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree.

And so it is there that I stand, right in the middle of internship eligibility and two years professional experience. How does that type of system even make logical sense? Why are there not more entry-level positions? Why do more people not have paid assistants instead of unpaid 'interns?' I would gladly sit alongside a seasoned professional in my field for barely above minimum wage if it meant that I would be gaining the type of experience necessary to actually advance in my field later.

In light of this apparent catch 22, I've decided to return to the basics. Learning to rediscover my love for writing may be the only way to maintain my current level of sanity. My reserve supply of patience has long since been consumed, my virtues, exhausted.

I even find myself at a loss for topics to write about. I won't pretend that people will remain interested in my log of personal antics and happenings for long. It's nice to break up the news with personal check ins now and then, but I know, in the long run, I have to find my areas of conviction.

Recently the issues that have been weighing on me pertain mostly to the job market, obviously. Many layoffs that have occured lately were ill-advised and exponentially harmful to the terminated workers. My own cousin was just recently laid off from his job at a television station in Flint, Michigan where he had been employed for many years. His position was eliminated due to a station merger and now he has been leadless in his job search for months. I am convinced that new legislation should be developed to prevent companies from approving drastic job eliminations without first exhausting all other options.

How have the powerful few in this country gotten away with isolating the fruits of their success from the hands of their labor-class counterparts? How has this exploitative mindset survived for so long in the land of the American dream? I am not a socialist, but I don't believe that the rich few can lay claim to the vast wealth earned by the manual labor of a less fortunate army. We must shrink the opportunity gap in this country, now more so than ever.

Perhaps the American dream has become antiquated with rapid population growth. How can this country sustain delusions of equality when there are too many people to track? Sometimes I feel as if our system has been out-manned.

My current dilemma is that I have no tangible solution. I am literally and figuratively stuck. I am also not sure if I have wandered outside the realm of my intellectual capacity or if my frustration has become temporarily debilitating. Where to turn from here?

For now, I am at a loss for other topics to explore. Feel free to offer any suggestions you'd like to hear more about.

Alimoradi out.

A Few Audio Links

In case you missed their original broadcasts, here are some links to a few of my KFAI news stories.

Here ya go.

A story I did recently on Experimental College, the twin cities chapter.

http://www.kfai.org/node/20078

This story in on the progress of the Saint Paul Saint's request for a new baseball stadium in Saint Paul.

http://www.kfai.org/node/19677

More to come soon.

Life After Graduation

Tonight I was watching CNN and noticed an ad for their upcoming special on life after graduation. Interested, I decided to google “life after graduation” and see what advice the tangled world web could offer to a confused post-graduation twenty-something like myself. What key advice did google retrieve?

A blog on the first 30 days after college graduation said this: “You have a lot on your plate, from searching for a job to figuring out your living arrangements to plotting your finances. With all of these variables, this can be an incredibly confusing time.” Thank you for fishing out the most obvious response master google. But could google offer me any advice on how to sacrifice my sanity amid this thirty-day crisis? Google’s response was this: “Remember, however, that you’ve achieved a lot and reached the point where you can finally live life on your own terms.” Well at least I still have my keen ability to bullshit, a skill I honed successfully throughout my pursuit of an undergraduate degree in useless theories on real life. With that I can at least feign sanity until the whole situation blows over.

I did return to the job search again this morning, not much else to do on a cloudy memorial day. But my search was quickly interrupted by Internet disconnect when my roommate decided to use the house phone to make a call. For the past few months, none of us have bothered to call the phone company to fix the fact that our Internet and phone line can’t be used at the same time. Today, I was just glad it gave me a good excuse to find some other way to occupy my time.

I headed down to the kitchen to put together meal numero uno for the day. I first thought of making spaghetti, but then decided to get a little more ambitious. I make this black bean stew that everybody really loves and today I noticed that I had all the fresh ingredients to make it from scratch. Giddy at the thought of spending the next hour or so cleaning, dicing, peeling and spicing, I dove into the project whole-heartedly. I roasted corn, peeled carrots, and chopped onions all morning to my heart’s content. I’m still amazed at how sharply my attitude towards cooking has shifted in the past few years. I used to despise it. Maybe I saw cooking as a fulfillment of some debilitating female stereotype. But now, politics aside, I find it so relaxing. It’s a fun little project to create something really tasty and original. Plus, I find most prepared food I buy either too bland, or shamelessly flavored with too much salt. Finding my own savory blend of spices has turned cooking into a fun little adventure.

After finishing up with my bean stew prep work and getting the mixture on the oven to simmer, I decided to tend to my new vegetable garden on the balcony. I just planted spinach and cucumber seeds and bought tomato and jalapeño plants from the nursery yesterday. I’ve got quite the little botanical oasis started on my perch. I’m pretty excited about the garden, because as soon as the fun of gardening has paid off, I’ll be able to cook with the crop. I love how the two hobbies complement each other.

Life after graduation is still in the beginning stage of course, but I believe I’m in the midst of the hardest part of the transition. My drive to accomplish tasks each day has lost the majority of its momentum. I’m staggering to complete anything and dragging along from one day to the next. I woke up at one in the afternoon today thinking it was still nine in the morning. I unknowingly slept half the day away when only a month ago I was never able to sleep past eight in the morning.

The hardest part of all of it is the vast amount of options that lay before me. I realize now that I never considered life without the structure that school provides. The concept totally blindsided me. I’m looking out at a vast gray area of competing options. If I think too much about the future, I’ll never get anywhere in the interim, if focus too much on the now, I may lose sight of my long-term goals. I feel the heavy weight of adulthood responsibility lowering down on top of me. My childhood vigor and curiosity have escaped my recollection.

I don’t really expect anyone to read about my struggle and see it as unique or intriguing. I suppose it’s more just to spell out my struggle in a more tangible way. I think getting over the hump involves a great deal of self-exploration and re-connecting with one’s old hobbies. But also I think one can find serenity by connecting with others in the same stage of life, reaching out to each other even if only to help occupy the time on the more fruitless days; when you find someone else to join in your struggle, at least you can distribute some of the weight.

Old Memories of the New Moon

It has been thirty years since Teatro de la Jeune Lune (Theater of the New Moon in French) began its journey in 1979। In that year, Co-founder Barbara Berlovitz and three of her fellow classmates of the Ecole Jacques Lecoq School of movement-based theater in Paris, France were burning with fresh inspiration. The company spent the first several years switching back and forth between Paris and Minneapolis, but after the first five years, the company finally settled in Minneapolis.

“Paris is like New York City, it’s difficult to find space…any little hole in the wall is a goldmine। “In Minneapolis we were supported,” said Berlovitz, “we [knew] Minneapolis somewhat…so if we [wanted] to rent a theater or if we [wanted] to see if we could get funding we [knew] some of the people.”

The Echo asked Berlovitz when she and her co-founders knew it was the right time to pursue the creation of Jeune Lune। “The four of us decided in our own different ways that the theater that we were seeing …was not what we wanted to be doing,” said Berlovitz, “it basically came out of discontent. We wanted to open a new path.”

Berlovitz quoted her teacher and mentor Jacques Lacoq as saying, “I’ve given you the tools to create a theater that doesn’t exist, now go out and do it।” Lacoq was experimenting with the idea of theater that originated from moving the body. Movement theater, Berlovitz explains “is an approach to acting with the idea that everything starts with movement and the voice comes after.”

This physical element became the signature trait for all Jeune Lune productions। Exaggerated and grotesque characters have adorned their stage, telling their personalities without words.

Like many smaller, experimental theater companies, Jeune Lune was not immune to financial instability। The Echo asked Berlovitz what got the company through the rough patches they experienced before the ultimate closing last summer.

“I would say it was a total commitment to our vision,” said Berlovitz, “anything that we did, we knew that we had this goal in supporting this vision that we would eventually reach।” Berlovitz mentioned that when times were rough financially, all the company members lived together or with family to save on housing costs.

The vision Berlovitz mentions was of a “theater that was for an audience of today; we were never interested in doing plays just because they were good play,” said Berlovitz. “If [they] had to change some of the text or [the setting],” that was acceptable as long as they were sharing a new experience with their audience. “Most of our shows were visually beautiful,” said Berlovitz, “I wanted [the audience] to see something they had never seen before.”
Juene Lune was nationally recognized for their regional theater efforts with a Tony in 2005 and the company has toured their work on the west coast for years in addition to their productions in Minneapolis।

Unfortunately for Berlovitz and the many loyal fans, Juene Lune had to close its doors early this summer due to surmounting debt and declining theater attendance.
“In the theater, we certainly walk the line,” Berlovitz noted, “we were never able to have a safety net of cash।”

This past weekend the company held a rummage sale at their old theater building to liquidate their assets. Tables of posters listed for $5 a piece were the only tangible remnants of the body of work that was realized in the old warehouse building. Their chandeliers still hung above boxes of old hats and dusty plywood. Buyers carried out chairs, dresses and other set pieces that they purchased for bargain prices while still carrying a look of disappointment on their faces.
The Echo asked for a comment from the workers that day, but with a stern reply were told “There is no story here…if you’re not here to buy, you should leave।”

Berlovitz looked on the verge of tears at the mention of the sale, but we quickly moved on to what this new chapter of her life has in store। Berlovitz is now working with the Augsburg theater department; she directed her first Augsburg production, Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, in 2007. She is currently directing Samuel Beckett’s Eleutheria, set to open in late January in the Tjornhom-Nelson Theater.

“It’s a great place to come to try ideas and to give experiences to the students that come out of a conceit that is very specific to a specific group of people,” Berlovitz explains, “What I can do is I can bring my understanding of the theater experience to the students here।”

Berlovitz has many projects aligned post-Eleutheria, including an all female production of King Lear at the University of Minnesota। She also mentioned that she will be working on her own original show with the help of a grant she received from the Fox Foundation.

“The thing I think about Jeune Lune, something I’ve thought about in the last few years…I think that we did things that said to people that certain things were possible, that it was possible to make a change, it’s possible to take a risk and it’s possible to believe in your own self and what you have to say. It doesn’t have to be earthshaking, as long as it’s what you have to say.”

Guest Director Liberates Augsburg Theater Department

The Augsburg Theater Department will be presenting Samuel Beckett’s Eleutheria for this year’s winter main stage production. The production will feature guest director, Barbara Berlovitz, of the Tony-Award winning Theater de la Jeune Lune. Berlovitz and the rest of the creative team have worked to create a grotesque interpretation reminiscent of the Jeune Lune theatrical auteur. Fat-suits, white exaggerated faces and gender-bending extreme characterizations breathe a bold new life into the Beckett piece.

Eleutheria was originally written in French in 1947 and was the first dramatic play that Samuel Beckett ever completed. However, because Beckett completed his existential masterpiece Waiting for Godot very shortly after, Eleutheria received little notice or mention. The play was finally published in English in the mid 1990s was first staged in 2005 at the City Theater of Tehran in Tehran, Iran.

The plot is centered on the action, or inaction rather, of Victor Krap (Brandon Ewald). At the start of the play, Victor has been in a state of self-inflicted exile for about two years. Throughout the play, Victor’s parents (Melissa Warner, Alex Hapka), his fiancé (Ali Fitzpatrick) and several other eccentric characters attempt to bring him out of his alternative state of being. This production makes some rather sharp statements, facilitated by an energetic cast, about what it takes to be “normal” and “happy.” Eleutheria (Greek for a state of liberation) questions the meaning and purpose of societal values, relationships and personal fulfillment.

The preview did not feature costumes, but the set is a clever embodiment of the plot themes. Constructed mostly of windows with opaque glass and doors that do not open, the set (design by Michael Burden), forms a symbolic representation of Victor’s state of mind.

This production is being called a “workshop” production, for which Berlovitz and Jeune Lune have been famous. A workshop in this sense means that the final product comes together through the collaborative and creative ability of the whole cast throughout the rehearsal process. The characters are studded with creative facial work, over-the-top physical expression and clever use of props.

The play will open Friday, January 30 in the Tjornhom-Nelson Theater located in Foss Center. The show will run through Sunday, February 9. Admission is free with a donation of a non-perishable food item. For information on how to get tickets for Eleutheria visit www.augsburg.edu/theater or call 612-330-1257.

Women’s Resource Center Presents Sacred Choices

The Augsburg College Women’s Resource Center recently teamed up with the Minnesota Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice (MN-RCRC) to host a screening of the film Sacred Choices: Ten new things to consider. This screening took place last Friday, February 20 in the Women’s Resource Center.

The MN-RCRC promotes that “every woman should be free to make decisions about having children according to her own conscience and religious beliefs” and that “people’s reproductive choices are broader when they understand how their bodies function and when they have opportunities to practice decision-making in a safe environment with adults who care about their well-being.”

The documentary Sacred Choices reveals ten new issues for people to consider if they believe abortion goes against their religion. Images of women at pro-life rallies flood the introduction of the film. “Not the Church, not the state, women must decide our fate,” is one of the many slogans chanted by seas of pro-life protesters. Among the notable demonstrators in the film, is Whoopi Goldberg, an avid supporter of the Roe vs. Wade decision.

The topics of consideration range from general religious freedom to the obscure case of a 9-year-old rape victim in Nicaragua whose life is threatened by her country’s religious opposition to abortion.

The film offers a plethora of reluctant testimony from Islamic spiritual leaders, rabbis, Catholic and protestant priests, and nuns. Islamic scholars site verses in the Quran that suggest that a fetus does not have a sole until it is 120 days old, which is significant considering the film also states that 91 percent of all abortions take place in the first trimester. Christian Scholars also defend similar verses in the Bible, but do not site them specifically.

These pro-choice supporting clergy men and women assert that women should be able to choose how they want to participate in their own religion. They also stress that women should be able to make reproductive choices without fear that their church will cast them out. They encourage viewers to think beyond the parameters of pro-choice and pro-life and really examine why they believe what they do about reproductive freedoms.

The film juxtaposes mothers happily holding their babies at morning mass with voice-overs of the Rabbi saying that there are in fact “physical and psychological reasons to justify abortions.” The images encompass the dissonance that many feel when attempting to prioritize religious teachings, parental duty and women’s rights reproductive autonomy.

The audience was all female and many stayed afterwards to discuss personal concerns about the issues mentioned in the film. One point that was stressed in the discussion but not in the film was to education women as a form of prevention. The women felt that if more young girls were taught earlier (like they are in Europe) about sexual responsibility and reproductive responsibility that the number of women seeking abortions would significantly decrease.  More literature on this topic can be found in the Women’s Resource Center located in Sverdrup Hall or at www.mnrcrc.org.

 

CCHP Body Week Features Park Nicollet Dietician

This week Augsburg’s Center for Counseling and Health Promotion presented a series of body image related programs for Body Peace week including a special night devoted to rediscovering healthy eating habits. A group of about 20 students met in the Marshall Room where Special guest Sarah Johnson of the Park Nicollet Eating Disorders Institute led the discussion on how Americans can develop a more healthy relationship with food.

Johnson mentioned a 2008 study suggesting that almost 75 percent of women in America report distorted eating, which is not synonymous with eating disorders, but is a habit that can lead to their development. In addition to bad habits, Johnson says 67 percent of women say they are trying to lose weight. She purported that men’s statistics were similar to women’s, but noted that men’s cases are often under-reported.

The nature of the dietary advice was mostly preventative. Johnson warned that ignoring physical and psychological signs of hunger (such as stomach growling, fatigue and mood change) can lead to obesity, but that developing conscious moderate eating habits will allow you to eat whatever you like with little to no impact on your weight. This is because the human body has an innate eating schedule that everyday culture systems teach us to ignore, says Johnson. She suggests that as babies we know when we are hungry or full, but as we enter daily schedules at school and work, we teach our bodies to ignore those natural cues.

The answer to solving this dilemma, Johnson suggests, is to eat consciously every time. Habits such as eating while doing homework can interfere with our ability to notice our stomach is full. If we keep track of what, when and how much we eat, Johnson says we can re-program our natural hunger cues and steer our body in a more healthy direction. She mentioned that jumpstarting this process may involve making yourself eat in the morning if you normally skip breakfast.

The major culprit for these rising eating disorder statistics, Johnson says, is the commercial media that creates mixed messages about proper eating habits. Growing serving sizes at restaurants were also blamed for over-eating trends. The Eating Disorders Institute advice is to ignore “left-over guilt” and quit eating when your body tells you it’s full.

Lastly, Johnson concluded that, contrary to popular media headlines, “There’s no food that is always bad.” She emphasized the importance of a well-rounded diet because the body needs a variety of nutrients to function, including fats and sugars. She presented statistics showing that when people restrict their diet to limit “bad” foods, it increases anxiety and preoccupation with those specific foods. By telling yourself not to eat certain foods, you can increase your chances of binge eating when you finally do eat them.

Park Nicollet’s number one principle of intuitive eating is to reject the diet mentality. They suggest that you throw out the diet books and eat whenever you want in moderation in order to achieve your body’s natural weight. They also suggest that you “make peace with food” by stopping the dissonance between what you want to eat and what you think you should eat. And of course, supplementing your food habits with exercise is also recommended.

Other Body Peace programs included a Monday night screening of the documentary “Killing Us Softly,” which deals with the portrayal of women in commercial media. Also, showing today, Mar. 6, from noon to 1 p.m. in the Century Room, is the documentary “Starved”, which shows the journey of 5 women in recovery from their eating disorders.

Making peace with your body can take longer than a week. The Center for Counseling and Health promotions offers counseling on these and other issues throughout the year. For more information about CCHP or to make an appointment with a counselor visit their website at www.augsburg.edu/cchp.

Another Echo Sample

Because Augsburg prides itself on its community engagement, leadership and vocation, it is gratifying to see Auggies who have long since graduated doing their part to spread Augsburg’s mission in their professional careers around the country and the globe.

Recently the Echo received a message from a retired Augsburg Professor, Lyla Anderegg, telling us about one Augsburg Alum in particular who is faithfully representing Augsburg’s mission in much warmer part of the country. His name is John Ennen and he is running a small chain of coffee shops in McKinney, Texas. In an interview with the Echo, Ennen tells about his experience at Augsburg, what brought him to Texas and his hopes for the future of his family business.

                Ennen is a Minnesota native who grew up in Minneapolis. His family owned and operated the Ennen Supermarket formerly located where the Target Center now stands in downtown Minneapolis. Ennen attended what is now Totino Grace High School and started his college career at the University of Minnesota.

Turned off by the extremely large class sizes at the University, Ennen transferred to Augsburg in 1981 where his younger brother Bill Ennen was also studying. He mentioned that he and his brother often engaged in friendly competitions to see who could earn the highest grades. Ennen specifically recalled a course they both took at Hamline through the ACTC program in which they each strived to score the higher grade. “We both got A’s,” Ennen said.

                Ennen studied business at Augsburg at a time when the business program was just starting out. In 1981, the business degree was possible largely in part to the consortium program (ACTC) which allowed him to take many of his business courses at other schools while still getting the Liberal Arts Foundation at Augsburg. Ennen also received minors in Psychology and Economics. Ennen attributes his psychology interests to his respect for Professor Anderegg, with whom he took five courses to receive his minor.

                “[Anderegg was] one of my favorite professors and the reason I hung around and got my minor in psychology…she had a great perspective on involvement in social causes,” Ennen said. “A lot of what she taught became a part of me.” Ennen mentioned that he and Anderegg still keep in touch and that she recently attended a surprise party of his in Minnesota.

                Ennen finished his degree at Augsburg in 1984 and took a job in Canon Falls for almost two years. He then sought an MBA in Texas which eventually brought him to the Historic town of McKinney. After receiving his Master’s degree Ennen entered the corporate world working for several Fortune 100 companies. He met his wife Mary while they were both working for the Four Seasons Hotel Corporation. 

                With the help of Mary’s background in Architecture, the Ennens developed and launched their first coffee shop in McKinney called Coffee N Cream. This coffee shop features high end coffee served fresh or in take-home bags as well as Blue Bell ^tm brand ice cream, a flagship brand of Texas. Coffee N Cream is also a friendly place to sit and enjoy free Wi-Fi internet access.

                Ennen says this whole coffee shop idea started because “ [he] could never get sweets in the afternoons” at his job downtown. “The concept grew and took hold [from there],” he said.

                The Ennen’s now have two Coffee N Cream locations, one in McKinney and one in Allen, TX. They are also in the process of opening a second shop in Allen.

                “We want to prove the concept with this new [Allen] store,” says Ennen, “in the hopes of breaking out of corporate America.” Ennen’s concept for Coffee N Cream is to create an environment “where neighbors and friends meet,” this is also their store motto.

                The Echo asked Ennen if Augsburg has influenced him in his business career and his mission for Coffee N Cream.

                “Undoubtedly,” Ennen said. “Augsburg’s always been important to me.” Ennen says that Augsburg has really stuck with him over the past twenty years. He and his wife are dedicated to serving their community through their faith and their involvement in charities. They see Coffee N Cream as a way to give back to the community while becoming an important part of the community.

                Ennen looks to his father and grandfather’s example when running his business and wants to really bring the “family into [his] family owned business.” The Ennen’s have been married for nineteen years now and have four sons, Zachary, Jacob and twins Tanner and Garrett. Ennen’s Brother Bill, is now in the commercial real-estate development business in Naples, Florida.

                Coffee N Cream features the work of local artists and musicians in their shops and also started  a Beans for Troops program last holiday season where customers could purchase one-pound bags of their premium coffee to be shipped to the troops in Iraq. 

                The Echo asked Ennen if he had any advice for Augsburg’s graduating class this year.

Ennen replied, “[Don’t] be afraid to really pursue something that inspires you…[don’t] listen to nay-sayers,” and “step out and take that risk for reasons only you understand.”