Thursday, April 2, 2009

Back to the Basics

Hello all, again it has been far too long.

I think that my return to blogging will consist of the traditional online-diary-vent-about-my-emotions-like-everyone-else-cares type entries. I am going in this direction because I'm getting a little burnt out on politics and I could use a visit back to the time when I thought that everyone else agreed with my sensible ideals (let me dream, ok?).

So I've taken a long break from blogging because I've been diligently showing up to my internship 3 and sometimes 4 times a week at KFAI Radio (you can listen to us at kfai.org). I absolutely love working in radio. It's the first time I've felt like I'm learning any immediately applicable skills, like how to use ProTools, how to write scripts for radio, etc. You know, stuff you can actually put on a resume. I enjoy the diverse group of people that volunteer here at the station. It's a great way to meet non-Augsburgians of all ages and demographics (however liberal they may be). Plus, I've always been one for behind-the-scenes type community service and this internship is about as far in that direction as I can get. I have been approached by a few people who recognize my name from the radio, but I'm just another anonymous voice to most listeners.

As of today, I have exactly one month until graduation. This has been a very formative year for me, or at least I hope the crap I went through this year is going to benefit me in the long run. The biggest academic news I got this year was that I was eligible to apply for Summa Cum Laude, which for those of you who don't know is some high-brow Latin honors label that goes on your final transcript. There are a few other formal ceremonies they make you sit through as well. Initially, I was ecstatic to hear this news, but now it's become just one more thing to stress me out in my final days of undergraduate studies. Now I'm back to stressing about my GPA and worrying what my family will say if I fail. This was something I assure you I did not miss for the past year or so when I let my academic over-achieving mind loose for a while. I'm thinking I'll probably still receive the honor, I'm not thinking that it is well-deserved. I realize now that making good grades has more to do with work ethic than intelligence, and that really unnerves me. I just want to be done with school. I'm tired of the constant knowledge checks. I just want to get out there and see what I'm capable of in the real world. That's the only proof that brings me real satisfaction anymore.

But thinking that way just bring about more stress. I read in the Star Tribune this morning that the job gap in Minnesota is 10 to 1. Meaning for every 10 people looking for work, there is one job available. This is not a good time to be graduating. Lucky for me though, if I go to grad school I can get my loans deferred, but I haven't even started looking at schools and who knows if there will be any financial aid left by the time I do. I'm hoping to keep my sales job at the Ordway for a while, but they are cutting hours and positions, so my hopes of working there full time are withering.

There is always the option of leaving Minneapolis and chasing the jobs wherever they go, but I feel that picking up and moving now would only end up costing me more money in the long run; and one thing I don't have a lot of right now, is money. Though the thought of leaving the Minneapolis climate is enticing. I've always wanted to go to New York City (who doesn't right?) and that idea is starting to creep back into my head. We'll see how that develops.

In my personal life, I'm headed towards some closure with Adam. He recently informed me that he was de-friending me on facebook, I guess I can take that as progress. I have mixed feelings about it. He couldn't seem to accept that I needed a break from talking to him for a while, his only options were to be friends right now or break off all communication forever I guess. I'm sad that someone I've invested so many emotions and so much of my time over the past few years can't give me a little time to heal, but I'm not willing to let myself get thrown back into the relationship again. Which was what I feared would happen if I started speaking to him again so soon after the break up. It took me a very long time to realize that I too, would fall victim to stupid young love. I thought I knew everything and that we would end up together forever, blah blah blah. But hey, at least I won't have to do that twice. The sad thing is that in another life, if Adam and I had met under different circumstances, I think we would have made great business partners. I have a tremendous amount of respect for his intelligence and work ethic, but emotionally we are polar opposites.

I'm now trying to move on in that aspect of my personal life, but I fear that I might have dug myself into a small hole for the time being. I'm not sure what to do about it. There's that part of me that doesn't want to be too cynical, because that brought me no satisfaction in the past. But on the other hand what good has blind optimism ever done me? I'm trying to stay away from the fact that I'm doomed either way. The biggest problem I face is that I don't trust myself to make good decisions right now. That is the worst feeling I've had in a really long time, particularly in this situation. I suppose I will have to deal with that situation as it develops.

Another new addition in my life is my yet to be named baby kitten that I recently picked up from an Elvis impersonator in front of Rainbow Foods. The little kitty is small enough to fit in one hand and therefore, I do not know yet if it is male or female, but I'll keep you posted. Last night it slept curled up under my chin for most of the night (though I kept waking up to tiny little claws on my eyelids every now and then...) It gets separation anxiety pretty badly because I think it was taken away from its mommy a little too early, but it's eating soggy cat food and drinking milk regularly, so it's probably ok. Next big obstacle of course is the litter box training. The little stinker has already pooped on me and my roommate and seems to think that the litter box is just a big food dish. I keep finding chewed up pieces of litter in its water dish. What fun little baby animals are.

Well that's a long enough update for now I suppose. Hope you enjoyed a more light-hearted entry this time. Hasta Leugo.

1 comment:

Alex said...

Wow, I hadn't heard that job market statistic yet. A part of me is worried about finding a job, but at the same time I'm hopeful because of Obama's emphasis on education. That and there are a good portion of teachers getting older. Still, not the best of times.

Also, yay kitties!